What is Chronic Stress, and Why Does It Feel Impossible to Manage?

Years ago, I was navigating the challenges of starting a new business, living abroad and adjusting to life with fibromyalgia. The stress from business successes and setbacks, coupled with inconsistent revenue, made it difficult to manage personal finances. I was often too exhausted from working long hours while dealing with pain and fatigue to prioritize healthy eating, which further exacerbated my symptoms.

Stress relief- Comfy clothes, ice packs, blue light glasses, funny best friend.

I wasn’t setting boundaries in my personal or professional life, which led me to engage in activities that only worsened my health—like drinking, staying out late, and pushing through burnout. I also felt quite isolated and lonely without a solid support network. Work travel added further physical strain, and I found myself struggling with deep depression. Then COVID hit, completely upending my life, as it did for so many others.

The combination of external and internal stressors eventually exceeded my ability to cope. Over time, these pressures snowballed, leading to severe and seemingly never-ending fibromyalgia flares, including constant burning skin pain, inflammation, skin rashes, digestive issues, crushing fatigue, and cognitive difficulties. To top it off, I even ended up with a bout of shingles (likely triggered by stress).

I became convinced that my fibromyalgia was only going to get worse—that this was my reality now. But I also still had a spark of determination. I threw myself into biohacking, consuming endless educational resources, seeing specialists when I could, taking more than 20 supplements, doing countless diets—you name it, I tried it. 

I’m not saying those things didn’t help—I’ve experienced tangible benefits from lifestyle modifications. However, they didn’t significantly improve my health because I wasn’t addressing the chronic stress that had accumulated. In fact, my hyper-fixation on improving my health probably added more stress.

At this time, I was also doing weekly hypnotherapy/EFT/energy healing sessions, and they often left me feeling more emotionally regulated and even temporarily reduced my pain. I now understand that I was rebalancing and calming my nervous system during these sessions. I also benefited from the connection and co-regulation with my practitioner. 

When we learn to return to a regulated nervous system state (get back into our Window of Tolerance), even briefly, we can create sustainable change. Allostasis is our built-in ability to cope with and recover from stress. Stress that occurs frequently or isn't properly "turned off" can accumulate. This is referred to as Allostatic Load or Overload.

What happens when we experience stress?

The body’s stress response (sympathetic nervous system) was designed to activate for limited periods to address short-term stressors (10-20 minute increments). When the stressor passes, our relaxation response is then activated. If our body becomes overactive or dysregulated due to prolonged exposure to stressors, cumulative 'wear and tear', known as allostatic load, can occur.

When stress persists due to external events or internal reactions, the sympathetic nervous system can remain activated, leading to "allostatic overload" and negatively impacting mental and physical health. This can trigger or worsen conditions like anxiety, depression, IBS, and fibromyalgia. New chronic conditions can even emerge after periods of intense stress.

Situations That May Lead to Chronic Stress (Development of Allostatic Overload):

1. Exposure to frequent stressors and repeated physiological arousal

   • Example: Working in a high-pressure job with constant deadlines and little recovery time in between can lead to persistent activation of the stress response, raising cortisol levels and other stress hormones.

2. Lack of adaptation to repeated stressors (already dysregulated/outside of the window of tolerance)

   • Example: A person who experiences chronic illness (like fibromyalgia) may become chronically stressed by their physical symptoms, making it harder for the body to return to a state of balance and increasing their sensitivity to other stressors.

3. Inability to shut off a stress response after a stressor is terminated

   1. Example: After a stressful event like an argument, some people struggle to "calm down" and remain agitated or anxious long afterward. If this happens repeatedly, the stress response can remain chronically activated.

4. Allostatic response is not sufficient to deal with stressors

   • Example: A person facing financial difficulties may try various coping strategies, but if their resources (emotional, social, or physical) are insufficient, their body may remain in a heightened stress state, unable to recover.

     
     

How I Addressed Chronic Stress:

The goal is to restore balance and regulation, improving allostasis and our ability to manage stress. By partnering with my nervous system, I increased tolerance, discharged stress activation, and better managed my capacity. Here's how I continue to rebalance:

1. Education: Learning about the role of chronic stress on illness (pain, etc.) helped me reframe my experience with more self-compassion. Understanding that this was not a personal failure but my body's response to cumulative stress allowed me to focus on how to support it rather than how it was letting me down. Ultimately, amplified symptoms were clear messages that I needed to listen to.

   
   

2. Adaptation & Recovery: Sometimes, changing our home and work environment is impossible, but finding ways to support our nervous system will build resilience over time. Exteroception is the ability to perceive and process information from the external environment, which can help with bodily safety. Contact points is a grounding technique that enables you to tune into physical awareness of your body and your environment (surfaces), helping you to regulate. Here is a quick contact points video that can guide you.

   
   

3. Manage Emotional Regulation: I focused on building my ‘Library of Techniques,’ which includes different strategies and tools for self-soothing, such as mindfulness exercises (I like Loving-Kindness meditations, “5-4-3-2-1” sensory exercises, and meditative walks), EFT tapping, and slow, diaphragmatic breathing. I also started incorporating more “micro-moments” of regulation to expand my Window of Tolerance. Note: The tools/techniques you'll find helpful will depend on your nervous system state. 

   
   

4. Connection & Support: Relational safety provides a therapeutic experience, helping to regulate the nervous system. I focused on building supportive relationships with people who could hold space for me—sometimes, we need to be witnessed for what we're experiencing and feeling. On the other hand, specific environments or dynamics can be dysregulating, such as unresolved emotional conflict, interactions with certain individuals, cluttered or loud spaces, and environments tied to past stressful experiences. When I was chronically stressed and dysregulated, my tolerance for noise and crowds was much lower, so I learned to self-insulate when needed.

   
   

5. Energy Management: Pacing is key when experiencing chronic stress and burnout. I ensure that tasks align with my energy levels by breaking down goals into small, manageable steps. This is where checking in with your body is essential because what my mind thought was “scaled back” was still too much for me to manage. You can’t build tolerance if you’re in an energetic deficit. When I’m experiencing stress or flares, I ask myself, ‘If I can only get one thing done today, what do I want it to be?’. I used to view rest as something earned; for example, if I had a “productive” day, then I could rest without guilt. It’s a mindset deeply rooted in capitalist ideals that equate worth with output. I now proactively schedule recovery periods into my calendar — a non-negotiable not tied to productivity or urgent need.

   
   

6. Improving Sleep Hygiene: I focused on restorative time and improving my sleep quality. Of course, anyone with fibromyalgia and other chronic pain conditions knows that despite our best efforts, sometimes sleep eludes us. However, there are just things that can create better conditions for rest. I intentionally reduced my screen time before bed and created a simple routine that made getting ready for bed enjoyable. Sometimes, I try to extend the day (or revenge bedtime) because stress makes me feel unproductive or deprived of time to unwind. By having a routine, I have something to look forward to.

   
   

7. Balance/Self-Care: When I’m experiencing ongoing stress, it’s easy to convince myself that I don’t have time for self-care, socializing, or hobbies. While limited time and energy require prioritization, too much imbalance between life areas can leave us stagnant and unmotivated. Reflecting on the places I wanted to nurture and creating gentle, manageable steps toward them helped reduce my stress and fostered a greater sense of well-being.

   
   

8. Food as medicine: I used to rely heavily on sugar and processed foods because they were quick and provided a temporary energy boost. However, this ultimately worsened my gut health and led to more symptoms. While working with a dietitian or nutritionist may be useful, even keeping a simple food journal to track sensitivities and triggers is a significant first step. For me, reducing my processed sugar intake, eliminating alcohol and increasing fruits, vegetables, and anti-inflammatory foods helped a lot (I'm already gluten-free due to Celiac disease). Doing some deep breathing pre-meal and not multi-tasking while eating also helped digestion.

   
   

9. Shifted my Narrative: Changing how I interpret situations has made a big difference. Our body’s responses are influenced by how our nervous system perceives the world. If it senses a threat—whether real or perceived—it triggers a stress response. Our nervous system state shapes the stories we tell ourselves in those moments. I’ve learned that those stories can change when I’m more regulated. Revisiting them when I’m back in my Window of Tolerance and feeling more well-resourced often brings clarity and doesn't fuel dysregulation.

   
   

As we all know, life tends to throw us curveballs. That's why it's important to consistently check in and support our nervous system. The good news is that if we do this, we can expand our Window of Tolerance and return to it quicker after stressful situations.

Recently, I faced a high-stress situation that triggered a freeze response. Once the threat passed, I ran and shook my body to release the stress activation. In the wild, animals instinctively shake to dispel excess energy after a stressful event (like being chased by another animal). By doing this, I could discharge the response and then regulate my nervous system (e.g. tapping) to support quicker recovery.

Chronic Stress Recovery:

Understanding the impacts of chronic stress is so important for improving our health and making tangible progress toward our goals. When experiencing chronic illness or recovering from a period of stress, it’s essential to calibrate our approach to our goals and activities. It takes time to build up our tolerance and internal resilience. 

Think of it like getting a sports injury, doing all the physiotherapy, acupuncture, etc., but continuing to train with the same frequency and level of effort. You’ll continue to experience the injury (and potentially worse) because you didn’t give yourself the space to recover. I’ve learned this the hard way!

Chronic stress disrupts the communication loop between the brain and the body. By spending more time in your Window of Tolerance, you can help restore balance, support healthier stress responses, and even reduce pain.

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Rooted & Rising is a weekly newsletter about intentional living and nervous system regulation. It’s designed to support people navigating the world with chronic illness, burnout, or neurodiversity—offering gentle tools to shift limiting beliefs and deepen self-connection. Join here.

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Resources:

• Guidi, Jenny et al. “Allostatic Load and Its Impact on Health: A Systematic Review.” Psychotherapy and psychosomatics vol. 90,1 (2021): 11-27. doi:10.1159/000510696